New Move

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

Something is missing.

The apartment feels emptier.

Today is a major day in my family (oh, and I was baptised 14 years ago today, but that has nothing to do with what I want to say). Julia has begun to go under the care of Dove Pointe (an organization in Salisbury, MD; dedicated to provide quality services to citizens with disabilities in the area).

I took her to her 1st (official) day in their Vocational Day services. She never liked going there, but after a while, she was ok. She had already spent some time there before.

As she was there, two men from Dove Pointe's maintenance group came by to help move Julia's furniture to her new home. I also bought some stuff that Julia would need for her "new place." We set the furniture up in her room and everything was put in its place. Now, may the time of adjustment begin. . .

Wow.

That is all I can say.

After 4 months of caring for Julia (basically on my own), it's over.

The room Julia and I shared now has only 1 bed and what feels like a ton of space. My clothes are all that's in our closet. Instead of her random vocal sounds and her occasional slaps, silence has taken control.

I'm not listening to see what Julia is doing. I'm not going to listen to any more claps (signal that Julia is done using the toilet and needs to be wiped). Julia is not going to come up to me anymore, "asking" me to give her a bowl of Fruit Loops (her favorite cereal). I'm not going to bathe her tonight; not for a long time, if ever again.

The feeling is surreal.

Yes, I have been away from my family many times; but my family has never been separated: at least not like this. I was in college, dad was on the road, and mom and Julia were at home. Now, mom is dead, dad is still on the road, I'm in our rented shelter (it ceased to be Home a long time ago), and Julia is in her new home. . . sheesh. I never minded being away from home, but that's because I had a home to return to. All I have now are family members scattered to the four winds. Wow, what a situation.

But you know what? God is still very good--at least we're all still alive. As long as there is life, there is hope.

An Update

Well, it's been almost 3 weeks since mom's death and a lot has happened since. Let me give you the basic update:

Mom: Mom died on the 15th of March and was cremated the 20th. On the 25th, dad received her ashes. We have an idea of what to do with them, we just need to finalize the plans.

Dad: Dad is still working as a truck-driver. He was able to request his 1 (or 2) week vacation just in time for me to fly back to Bogi and back to the States. During the time I was gone, he set to go through all the papers and stuff mom has collected during the years. I think he became an archaeologist, 'cause he found stuff dating back to when mom was in middle-school (I kid thee not). He also went and visited Julia everyday while she was in respite care and took her out for a while. In short, as I was away, dad was not bored.

Julia: Julia has been her same-ol' self. On the day before I left for Bogi, dad and I dropped Julia off at the place she was gonna receive respite care. This is a house owned by an organization dedicated to offering services to the mentally-disabled (children as well as adults). This house was part of their respite care; in which they take care of a person on a temporary basis (I believe a week is the maximum). So, Julia stayed there and attended their day-services program (all sorts of activities) during the day (9 or 10 til 15).

From what dad told me, Julia got upset when dad returned her to the house; but after the 3rd day or so, she was fine and returned somewhat happily. The day after I returned, dad and I went to pick her up. She even gave the lady who was taking care of her a hug and kiss! This was a major relief; praise God that all went very well!

On April 1st, Julia was supposed to move into a house where she'll be receiving total care in a more permanent basis . . . only she couldn't. I found out that her budget wasn't approved yet . . . among other steps. We should be receiving word (hopefully) by at least Tuesday.

me: Me, well, I've had full responsibility of Julia since mom was admitted into the hospital--a week before she died. I bought my round-trip ticket to Munich around Feb. 20-something, not knowing what was going to happen within the month . . .

On March 24th, I flew back to Bogi to pick up the rest of my stuff, as well as take care of whatever else I needed to take care of (i.e. return the room keys, officially check-out of the dorm, get my deposits back, etc.). The next morning, I arrived to Bogi's campus and stayed til the morning of the 29th. Those were the best days of my life, since before finding out about mom's diagnosis. I am eternally grateful to God for allowing me to meet and befriend these Godsend of a people: they have certainly made the difference. I love them with all my heart.

After returning to the States, I was immersed under the whole situation and stress of caring for Julia and the household. All I ask of God is for the strength and patience to endure until this time is over (when Julia is in residential care and I'm in whatever is next).

A cousin of mine, Omelia (her mom and my mom were sisters) and her husband just visited Julia and I today. We spent the whole day together, talking and getting to know each other a little better (we've never had much contact before). They flew in last night and will be flying back tomorrow morning. I am glad they came: it was very thoughtful of them and appreciated. Godspeed to them as they fly back to San Antonio.

. . . well, that's it. If there is anything more, I'll let you know.

It's Over

On March 15, 2010, at 22:40, my mom passed away.

I got the call about 10 minutes later. The nurse said she died peacefully. I thank God for that.

The battle is over, she is at peace,

but most importantly, she died in the LORD--and we will see each other again.

"The LORD gives and the LORD takes away; blessed be the name of the LORD!"

Amen.

Brace yourself

Today, before getting ready and taking Julia with to visit mom, dad called me. He said mom's doctor called him and said she has deteriorated: when he went to see her, she was lying on her bed and breathing heavily. She is really weak. According to how mom appears, the doctor is giving her between hours and a few days . . . although she could always have a nose-dive at any moment. All this may be true, but that doesn't dismiss the fact that God always has the last word.

Dad has to leave a load somewhere close by Miami. He's gonna pick one up for New Jersey and stop by here on Wednesday. Lord willing, he won't be too late.

If there is one thing I hate about dealing with cancer, it's the roller-coaster of emotions. One day, mom appears as though she were almost back to her normal self; the next, she looks like she's about to go any second. Our hopes and feelings are constantly played with and teased. Now I can say, I have experienced torture, for this is what dad and I are going through.

Oh God, please have mercy on us and work quickly! . . . but again, above all else, may Your will be done.

Looking better

Just got home about 30 min. ago from visiting mom in the hospice. This is the third day mom has been there, and I must say . . . I've seen a lot of progress!

When I went to see her on Thursday (her first day there), she had not vomited at all, though she had diarrhea instead. As far as I am concerned, this is better. This means the food actually made its way to the stomach and was processed--maybe not very much, but a whole lot more than if it were regurgitated!

Since yesterday (Friday), mom hasn't had any more diarrhea! Granted, they haven't been giving her a lot of food (mostly soup, tea, ice cream, pudding, etc.), but still, that is progress! Mom seems to be one of the stronger patients there and appears as though she will be able to go back home, although I'm gonna have to wait 'til Monday to have a better idea (the doctor wasn't there today, but he will be on Monday).

I've got an appointment with the county's Department of Health to see what we can do for Julia on Tuesday. Also, I'll be able to speak with one of the social workers at the hospice on Monday. So yeah, things are picking up and we'll see what I can find out, starting Monday.

God, thank You for all You have done til now: no matter how it turns out, may Your Name be praised.

Another Turn

Mom has just been transferred from the hospital to the hospice. There, they will try to control mom's symptoms (vomiting) while keeping her comfortable. Once the symptoms have been controlled, then she can go home.

Things are not looking good at all. In the 5 or so hours I was with her today, she vomited 4 or 5 times. Every time she tries to eat, this is what happens--even when the only thing she has done is drink water, but for the water, it takes longer for her to vomit.

We were informed that the cancer has also spread to her right lung. They found a soft tissue there about 2 days ago and it was not confirmed until this afternoon. It's really getting tough--wait, make that tougher. We're looking into who can take care of Julia--another challenge in itself. Well, like a song I heard once, He's (God) never failed me yet! No matter how hard things get, I know He won't.

Yes, we're still alive . . . for now, at least

Sorry for the delay, but there hasn't been much to say or report lately.

Mom was supposed to begin her chemo today, but she's being hospitalized right now.

She had her consultation with the doctor in charge of the chemo 2 weeks ago. At that time, the doctor told mom she hasn't completely cured from the surgery yet--and she also needed to gain weight (Mom is 5ft. 4in. [1.61 m.] tall and weighed 127 lbs. [57.6 kilos] that day).

In 2 weeks time, mom lost 15 lbs. (6.8 kilos).

It has been really difficult for mom to keep food down. It's been scary.

We were told of a place in Mexico (close to Monterrey) that has a cancer treatment center. A lady from the Hispanic church in Baltimore told mom about it. This lady had breast cancer, went and stayed there for about 6 weeks, and left completely cured. We want to see if mom can go there, but she needs to survive the month first. Oh Lord God, whatever it is, may Your will be done!

It's Official

Mom has stomach cancer.

The doctor gave mom 6 months to 1 year.

We went to see the doctor for a treatment consultation today. She said if mom didn't take any treatment, she'd have 6 months to a year, but if she took chemo, maybe 1 year or 2. Of course, it all depends on how mom reacts to the treatments. She may live for a few months, she may live for a few years. We don't know.

Mom is ok. She expected the news and is taking it in stride. She has 2 requests. The first refers to her condition as her time approaches. Mom is not afraid of death, just the process. She doesn't want to be a vegetable or bedridden or suffering from tons of pain. She also wants see Julia able to take care of herself and speak--in a word, cured.

Please pray for God's will to be done, whatever His will is.

Another Storm on the Horizon

Hi guys. It's been over a week since mom returned home. Yesterday, we went to the hospital so mom could get her staples out (they used staples instead of stitches). Mom didn't want me to see, but after begging, she was reluctant and showed me her cut. I couldn't count all of them, but it appeared to be about 40 staples.

After we came home, we remembered the tests that were done on mom and I tried to call to see if the results were in. If someone answered, I was directed to voicemail: basically, I was back where I started. So we went today to the hospital (here in Salisbury) and spoke with the doctor's assistant.

Mom had cancer. It was in her ovaries as well as her uterus. Good thing is that all of that is removed. Bad thing is that mom's not out of danger. She needs to go into treatment, but the doctor has to see her to know which kind she should take (Chemo, Radiation, both, neither, etc.). Basically, since I made the assistant aware of Julia's situation, she said that mom is still gonna need help.

On top of that, I just got a call from one of the doctor's assistants in Baltimore saying that they found cancer around her stomach (in 2 out of 5 places).

It's still too early to tell, but I have been faced with a possibility I didn't want to think of: I might not return to Bogi. Also, I'm supposed to graduate this May from Southern; no idea if I'm going to that either (although that's not really important).

There are many questions, but we must wait til next week for possible answers.

Home

Praise God, mom is home!

We just got back about an hour ago from bringing mom back from the hospital. She's ok; weak and a several pounds lighter, but ok. She will be able to do her follow-up check-ups here in Salisbury (Praise God). This doesn't mean she's out of the woods yet.

There are a few tests that were done on mom's stomach. There was something suspicious, but hopefully it's a false alarm.

God has really protected us on the roads. I'm not sure if you all are aware, but there were a couple of strong winter storms in the area. On Friday and Saturday nights, we overnighted in a hotel in the Annapolis area. This was the same time the 2nd winter storm hit the area. We were snowed-in all day Sabbath. Dad, who's driven on snow and ice for years and knows what to do in just about any situation, was worried. This kind of snow is just not normal here! The good news is that everything is starting to clear up: the bad news is that there's another on it's way for tomorrow. At least we've got mom and don't have to leave home for a while. I'm gonna leave you with pictures I took of the snow in the area we spent the night in.

This is the hotel we stayed Friday and Saturday night in. The first vehicle is a van.

This was at a gas station. Just check out the Uhaul trucks!

Today

Today at noon, mom went into the operating room. At 14, she came out. Her surgeon told us they took out her entire reproductive system. She had 1 huge tumor and a few little ones scattered around. But they're all gone, and it appears as though the cancer did not spread. She had a lot of liquid in her stomach. Tomorrow, they're gonna run some tests to see if anything is wrong with her stomach. The doctor said it could be stomach cancer, but he doubts it.

Right now, mom is in a regular in-patient room (she was in the intensive care unit for about 2 hours after the surgery, just to be sure she got out of the anesthesia alright--remember, it's her first surgery EVER) and recuperating. She can talk and is aware of her surroundings. She says her stomach hurts a lot and can barely move from the pain. She's on a couple of pain-killers. At least tonight, she'll be able to rest.

The doctor and the nurses were wonderful. I didn't expect such nice treatment. We (my family) are really impressed.

We're home right now. We have quite a few errands to run tomorrow morning and then we will go back up to Baltimore and see how mom's doing. There's another major winter storm headed our way for Friday morning 'til Saturday night--which means travel will not be recommended at all until it's past. There's a chance mom will be allowed to go home at that time; so if it happens, may we travel safely home.

Thank you all again for your prayers! Mom sends her many thanks as well!

Good news in the morning

This morning, I woke up earlier than usual to the ringing of our home phone. It was one of the secretary/nurses from the doctor who will operate on mom.

Due to a cancelation from one of the patients, mom's surgery will not be on February 15, but February 3.

That's almost 2 weeks earlier! Although it would be nicer to have it this month, we are really happy. Keep up with the prayers! They're working!

Good news and bad news

The good news: mom has a date for the surgery.

Bad news: it's on February 15.

Good news: if there is a cancelled appointment between now and that date, we can reschedule for the earlier date.

Better news: mom felt hunger.

She hasn't been hungry for a couple of weeks. The tumor has been pushing up against her stomach, which probably prevented her from feeling any hunger. She would eat only because she knew she had to--and when she did eat, it was less than what she would regularly eat.

The day before yesterday, mom felt a little hunger and ate somewhat greedily: a very good sign.

Rude Awakening

It's Saturday night right now. This morning, not too long before 8, I had to drive mom to the hosptial. The pain has come back--not as bad as the first time, but still pretty bad. She couldn't sleep at all last night from the pain (not to mention she vomited twice). I woke up to her vomiting the second time (not quite rested, but awake enough to know I need to drive NOW). Mom got ready as best as she could and I got Julia and myself ready as well for the drive to the emergency room.

We were there from about 8 and left (with mom) around quarter 'til noon. They couldn't keep her there or operate on her. The doctor who can operate on her is and works in Baltimore. He does come down to this hospital, but that's about once every 4 months or so. We/mom cannot wait that long. The nurse who attended mom told me to call the doctor everyday, asking for an operation date everyday until he breaks down and gives us one (hopefully within the next 2 weeks).

They sent mom home with prescriptions for pain-killers and other side-effects. It's frustrating: we have to wait with something that should be removed immediately. Mom's feeling better now (pain-wise), but she's desperate to have the surgery and get this tumor out of her body. So am I. Please continue to pray for my mom and that an operation date can be made very soon.

Interuption

Guys, I have something I need to say and it's not easy.

I just found out this morning that my mom has cancer and it's pretty advanced. The not so bad side is that it's ovarian cancer, so the surgeons will take her ovaries out and then she'll be fine; I just hope it hasn't spread to any other organs.

I got a plane ticket home for as soon as I could (and which didn't break the bank [too] much).

I'll be flying home on 31. Dez. around 7:25 in the morning from Munich, and I should touch-down in Salisbury around 20:03 the same day (long day ahead). I am needed home 'cause mom needs someone to look over Julia, my sister.

Even though Julia is 2 years older, she's autistic and is totally dependent on mom. Mom bathes her and wipes her when she goes to the toilet. Mom still has to dress her, although Julia can do some of it herself. . . yeah, it's not easy; but someone needs to be there for Julia while mom is in the hospital.

I have no idea when I'll be back in Bogi. I spent a good portion of today packing and such, but I won't be taking absolutely everything with me back home. If I do, I'll be way over the weight-limit and will need to check in at least 1 extra bag. If anything, I'll have an excuse to come back. ;-)

I cannot tell you how much of a shock this is for me. Mom is the strongest person I know, besides my dad. I am not kidding: if someone were to tell me she was made of iron, I'd believe it. . . but even iron rusts. Just this weekend, she ran about 6 miles (>10 km). She had no idea she had cancer to begin with until Sunday or yesterday, much less that is was so advanced.

She just went to the doctor 'cause she felt a little pain. When they did the tests, they wanted to send her to the hospital by ambulance immediately (she was at a small clinic). They told mom she had cancer. She drove to the hospital (about 1.5 hour away), was checked, and confirmed. She should have stayed in the hospital, but then who was going to watch over Julia? Julia is strong too and difficult to control (in order to give her a shot, 3-4 nurses are needed to hold her down). I'm in Europe and Dad is most likely in another state (dad's a truck-driver who drives all-over the North American continent--including Canada). So, she was given a few pills and a prescription and allowed to go home.

Now she's waiting for me.

God willing, I'll be home Thursday night. Dad will be home sometime tomorrow as well. God willing, all will work out fine. He knows what He is doing. No matter what happens, I know His way is best.

God, I ask You to take my hand and lead me through this dark valley. Lead me with Your light. . . oh wait, nevermind: You already are. Thank You.